Friday, 18 May 2012

What Hampstead Really Needs is...



Another Mobile Phone Shop!

Although currently in Brazil, the Sub-editor has reminded me in no uncertain terms not to neglect my Hampsteardly duties. 

Namely to inform you that there will be a demonstration outside the above shop front on Sunday the 27th of May 2012 at 11am. Those who have read the current edition of the Hampstead Village Voice will be aware that Sue of the Hampstead Health Shop was recently booted out for not keeping up to speed with 'market forces'.

The landlord, Prudential, has now, in its wisdom, decided to let the shop to, wait for it... yet another mobile phone shop. (Ed. I didn't think there were any left?)

I shall make sure to be back in Hampstead for the demo. See you there. 

Feel free to sign the petition (link below) and come along if you've had enough of the corporate colonisation of our beloved Hampstead and subsequent closure of local, independent Hampstead businesses.


Toodle Pip!

EM Goldylocks. x
Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein




Thursday, 17 May 2012

No Sex Please We're Brazilian!



Sex is not what it seems in Brazil

Far be it from me to blow my own trumpet - after all I can't play trumpet and blowing ones own guitar would be, to say the least, somewhat precarious - but I shall be entertaining the good people of Lavras, Brazil this Friday by way of a small concert at the Circuito Alternativa - a night club at the seedier end of the town.

Contrary to what you may think, the above flyer does not mean yours truly will be having sex on the 18th of May at 23:30hrs. For 'Sex' in the above context is but an abbreviation for Sexta-Feira known to you and I merely as Friday. And yes, that is how one spells acoustic in Portuguese.

Toodle-Pip!

Y. Truly.
Not Mustafa Goldstein.
Lavras, Brazil.
PS. So keen was the local promoter and club owner - a splendid fellow called Janio, who seems to like all things British (minus the wars of course) - that he made not one, but two flyers. I hope I can live up to all this publicity.


Flyer No. 2
  

Friday, 4 May 2012

The Only Gringo in the Village



Sleeping dog, Lavras, Brazil.

What ho Gringo's!

Much like Hampstead, Lavras has it's pro's and con's but political correctness is neither of them. Naturally, we Goldstein's are made of sterner stuff than to let the odd well-intended nickname offend. In fact, I'm rather enjoying being the only Gringo in the village.

The upside to such Brazilian towns, which happen to be stuck somewhere between 1972 and 1978, are obvious. Stupendous weather, a laid back atmosphere, cool looking old cars, great coffee, very quiet Sundays and not a screeching ambulance siren in sight. At least 90% of the population don't even use a mobile phone... how very lovely. Oh for the days when Hampstead had Sundays. Real, quiet Sundays with nothing but one or two coffee shops open for raisin toast and one old man walking his dog. 

Yes, on Sundays here in Lavras, jovial woofing dogs like the above pictured happily sleep the day away in the Plaça Augustus Silva without a care in the world, let alone an old man. No old men required, you might say. It's enough to make any old Hampstonian overflow with cheerfulness and contentment.

But it's not all honey and roses in small-town Brazil. Remember, there were no catalytic converters in 1978 and thus it is in Lavras [on non-Sundays] that plumes of black smoke - a lá un-serviced London Taxi - do suddenly force themselves upon unsuspecting pedestrians. Most unpleasant. Indeed, compared to this, a lung-full of the old Hampstead breathing matter seems positively Swiss mountain-ish in comparison. And although they have no screeching sirens, there's noise pollution a plenty with mega-boom-boxes blasting out God knows what at all times of day and night from a multitude of VW Beetles and rather cool looking, Starsky & Hutch-ish Chevrolets.

Meanwhile, back in Hampstead with 40 days and 40 nights of rain apparently availing themselves upon the old Stead, I'm quite happy to put up with the odd bus farting in my face and loud automobile stereos. 

Dearest Hampstonians, I shall bring the old Current Bun back to Hampers with me upon my return but, alas, can't guarantee when that will be, if at all, ever. 

Toodle pip and may the blessing of Lord Gainsborough be with you!

Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein x
AWOL Editor in exile.
26ºC Ta very much.